D-Rocks Pop Culture Pagoda

The Sunday tradition of sitting and watching football games that I could care less about has come and almost gone yet again. I am a die hard Chicago Bears fan but I find myself watching games involving Cowboys, Packers, Colts, Jaguars, and Favres because fantasy football is an inescapable vice of mine. Fantasy football (that I will refer to as FF from here on out) is an amazing thing. It takes football fans and makes them know the names of third string receivers on teams three time zones away, but more amazingly it takes people that know nothing about football, could generally care less about football and transforms them into know nothing fans that start spouting off because Ronnie Brown stumbled accidentally into the end zone three times today. It is amazing!

The phenomenon of FF is a multi-million dollar business of statistcal tracking and Monday morning braggadoccio. I remember a simpler time when the conversations used to be about how [insert hometown coach] should have gone for it or [insert overpaid/hyped hometown QB] is a bum and how [insert overweight, out of shape coworker] had a better arm. Now chumps are debating the cover two usage versus the cover four simply because they heard John Madden mumble something about it while drawing pretty pictures on the screen. I love my sports and I pride myself in my knowledge of them, but nothing irks the shit out of me more than a debate with someone who only knows the players on their fantasy teams, or the inane musings of whoever as they repeat Dan Dierdorf… does Dierdorf still do games? I’m not really sure, but the crap that I hear could only come from said dufus.

What’s amazing as well, and it has nothing to do with FF, but when a national “favorite” baseball team such as the Yankees, Red Sox, or Cubs does something well, and everyone that has watched WGN or ESPN for a microsecond immediately becomes a fan and acts as if they were a fan their entire life. This is the time of year for every Cubs fan to come out of the woodwork as they approach their 101st year of not winning a World Series. Wouldn’t that be something? 101 years without a World Series… think about that statistic for just a second. 101 years! There are likely more people that have been born and died Cubs fans that never saw a World Series victory than there are alive right now that have the potential of witnessing something moderately historic.

God have mercy on all of our souls though if the Cubs do pull off the miracle this year. You thought the Red Sox winning was bad, you have no idea what it will be like if the 2008 Chicago Cubs actually do something. There will be so many “life long” Cubs fans running around acting like assholes that there will be no place safe for sane people. We will be chastized for not being Cubs fans and reminded how the Cubs are the “greatest” team ever! One year of winning does not a dynasty make, but one year of winning this year will armaggedon make. Russia will undoubtedly unload the nukes with the help of Iran if the Cubs win. Rivers will run red with the blood of infidels if the Cubs win. The earth will open up and swallow us all… if the Cubs win. So lets hope and pray the Cubbies don’t win.

So anyways, back to topic my FF team sucked ass this week and what’s the deal with Brian Westbrook? C’mon! Well better luck next week. Until then I’ll have to listen to the ramblings of far better sports fans than myself.

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